Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
