When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
