first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
