Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
