Joe is yelling at the trees again.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
