She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
