we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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