I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
