mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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