Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
