you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
