My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
