guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
