If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
