Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
