This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
