I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
