just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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