he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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