if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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