If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
