this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
