Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
