I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
