They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
