oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
