i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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