hotel room ftw
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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