Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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