dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
