I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
