she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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