just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
