is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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