my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
