I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
