I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
