I bet he comes in French.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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