I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
