dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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