i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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