I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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