So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
