weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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