omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
