Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
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