I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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