how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
