What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
