she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
