I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
