even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
