so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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