I just cut my nipple shaving
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
